No guarantees

Events in Colorado today reminds us all there are no guarantees. Enjoy everything while you can.

I am probably more aware of my childrens mortality than most parents having lost a son. Tragedies like today's shooting remind us all that each moment we get with our kids is precious. The problem is too many people will forget today's lesson in a week or 2.

Today I learned about the shootings just as I was heading out to the dollar store. While I was there I saw a parent yelling at her 3 or 4 yr old son for trying to say hi to a cashier at the next register over. While some parents were waiting to hear if their kid was alive and others were trying to continue living while their babies were dead this person was yelling at their kid for being friendly.

I don't know the lady personally. Chances are she is not a bad parent. She, like most of us, just assumes there will be time later to make up for being cranky, short tempered or just not having time.

We can't make it up though. Each moment lost can never be recovered. No angry words can ever be taken back.

we only get one chance, one childhood. Make sure if the worst happens you have good memories to hold. No one ever sits at their childs funeral saying "I wish I had kept up on the dishes better" or "I am so glad I never let them ruin their new jeans by puddle jumping"

Seize the moment and squeeze out every smile you can.

Childhood is a time for magic

My children slay dragons.  That is the joy of childhood. To a child dragons are real. So are faries, witches, mermaids and Santa Claus.

Lately though I see more and more parents opting to teach their kids from the get go that Santa is not real. I know these people in real life and cyber space. Generally I see it as a parents prerogative to raise their children as they see fit as long as they are care for. However this is my blog so I am gonna rant.

There are lots of reasons parents choose not tell tell their kids Santa is real. I am going to talk about the most common ones I hear.

I don't lie to my kid.

Yes you do we all do. We tell them if they smoke they will get lung cancer when in reality it just puts them at risk for it. We tell then that everything will be ok when they are sad or afraid and we all know that is the biggest lie ever. If you have an ugly kid I bet you don't tell them that. If your kid gets cancer I bet you don't say "you are probably going to die" even if it is true.

Yeah Santa is technically a lie. It is called a white lie, kinda like the one you told when your wife asked if she looked fat in her new skinny jeans.

I don't want some imaginary person getting credit for the presents I buy.

Credit! seriously? wow if you are worried about getting the credit for making your kid happy you REALLY miss the point of Christmas and kindness in general. You should not be teaching your kid that getting credit is important but that kindness is its own reward.

It is traumatic when they learn the truth.

really? for who? I don't remember being traumatized and neither do any of my friends.

Here is the thing, by opting out of Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Gnomes, and all sorts of magic you are taking your child's only opportunity to believe. This is not something that mentally stable adults can do.

A large part of a child's innocence is their ability to believe there is so much more to this world than what we see. To know with a certainty that only the young have, that tomorrow will be better. Why would anyone intentionally put a lid on that?


                

Letter to Santa 2012

Dear Santa;

I have been a pretty good girl this year. I only drank till I puked once. That is one day out of 365 or 0.0027% of the time. That is pretty impressive considering 100% of the time I am have a hankering to get puke your guts up and black out drunk.

Ok that last bit was a bit of an exaggeration. That urge goes away when all the kids and sleeping and I am watching Big Bang Theory.

I also have not laid the smack down on anyone all year long. Not my dogs when they ate my couch. Not my toddler when he made soup in a pillow case. BTW did you know soup required eggs? Not my husband when he taught the kids a colorful new word when they team wiped on WOW. See Santa I AM good.

I would like some new K-cups for my Keurieg machine. Specifically I would like for it to make vodka valium mocha lattes in which I don't have to add my own vodka or Valium. That Santa is a gift that would keep on giving. I guarantee my family would like it as I would not get as worked up over dog poop on the floor, crayons on the wall or dirty socks in the couch.

The second thing on my list is a soundproof bedroom. Now don't get all perverted an think I am worried about waking my kids having wild monkey sex, those boys sleep like rocks, I just want to sleep without ANYONE waking me up. Oh the pure bliss that would be 8 hours of sleep where I don't wake because the dog is chewing something upstairs, or because something fell off a shelf in my 10 year olds room, or because the baby is making whimpering noises in his sleep.  Imagine how much longer my K cups will last if I don't wake up exhausted every day.


Thanks for what I know is going to be the best Christmas ever

Be the person you want your kids to be

So gram has been here almost 2 weeks now.  My house is a write off, I hurt in places I didn't know I had muscles and I think I need a good stiff drink.

Don't get me wrong I am glad she is here and that I don't have to worry about the things I did before but I think the adjustment period will be longer than expected. I spend an hour a day helping her get to and from the bathroom. Getting her showered is almost another hour. That is not including the meal prep, cleaning, laundry, and general small needs.

Still in spite of the relentless charlie horse in me legs, the sore hands, and the bruises from catching her when she falls I am glad we decide to bring her here. It gives me peace of mind, it gives her time with family and it teaches my kids something about family and responsibility.

Sometimes it is necessary to institutionalize the elderly. Sometimes they need more than we can offer or need 24 hr a day medical care. I don't want to raise kids who view that as a first resort. I want my kids to value the elderly for what they contribute to our society.

The monster in in grade 5 this year and doing a term of french immersion. My grandmother is Acadian and french is her first language. She will be able to help him in ways I never could even though I am proficient in french.

Galactus is the most wild 2 year old I have ever met. He is learning that he HAS to tone it down and he can't be rough with her.

Someday I hope to be 78. If I still have my wits I would rather be with family than anywhere else. The best way to ensure that is to model that behavior for my kids and offer the same to gram.

9 times out of 10 kids become what they see rather than what we tell them to be. Make sure you are being the person you want your kids to be

It ian't easy being small

Kids have it made right? No work, minimal responsibility, lots of time to play with friends, and until the age of two they can watch tv and shit their pants without anyone judging. Kinda make you wonder why they complain so damn much?

It drives me nuts when my kids complain about how hard life is. I have yet to meet a parent who it doesn't drive crazy. However before you dismiss their concerns or belittle their problems by comparing them with your own grown up and therefor much more important problems, you should take a moment and look at it from their perspective.
 

Adults get to pick their own jobs.
 Kids are stuck in school 5 days a week because they are told to. If they don't like it they can't  look for a better school with more pay and more free play time. 

Adults eat what they choose to cook.
Kids get food plunked in front of them often with little or no input as to their preferences

Adults go to bed when they are tired
Kids go when we say so

Adults always pick out their own clothes
Kids do sometimes as long as we approve

Adults don't have people in their house they don't like
Children are stuck with your friends kids 

Adults expect to be listened to when they have a problem
Kids can't always articulate their problems even when they are not being trivialized

 This list could go on for a very long time but you get the idea.


 Being a kid looks like it is all fun and games from where we stand but do we like it when other people tell us how we have to live our lives?  Obviously we have to make decisions for our kids. That is what being a parent means but that does not mean we need to act like dictators. Empowering our kids doesn't take a lot of effort on our part and it makes it easier for them to handle things they really have no choice about (like going to school).

When you are making a grocery list have your kids go through the weekly fliers with you. Not only does this allow them to have some input into the menu it also teaches them how to watch sales, budget, make a meal plan, and gives you some quality time together.

Let them leave the house dressed in weather appropriate clashing colours and prints. Who is it going to hurt? There are obvious exceptions like weddings and funerals but day care or the corner store? What is the worst that will happen? someone will judge you for letting your kid be happy.

There are lots of small decisions that kids can make for themselves. If they have slight negative consequences all the better as you get a teaching moment as well.

They only get one childhood.

This shit is not ok

Today I saw a PSA about domestic violence. I didn't need it, I lived the reality as a child. I know the fear and helplessness that comes with it. That is something my kids will never experience. My boys are very unlikely to be the victims of domestic violence. But they need to know about it. They need to see. They need to understand. Because if they don't, and I turn them loose on the female population, I am part of the problem. 

 

Here is the video that sparked this post.  This is the reality that many women live with. I have watched women cover the busies and stop smiling so no one would see their broken teeth. Sometimes the men who did this to them come from violent homes. Others have mothers who would be shocked. 

As parents we want to assume the best of our kids. We want to believe there is no need to tell them not to do things that are obviously bad. after all we have taught them through example right? 

Many of us have. Many of us also skip past what could be a great learning experience and teaching moment. When our kids read or watch Twilight do we take the time to explain why Edwards behaviors should have sent up red flags for Bella.

When Chris Brown and Rhianna make headlines do we stop and use that opportunity to discuss with our daughters why they should NEVER accept being treated that way. To explain to our sons exactly what is wrong with Chris Brown and how she didn't deserve what happened.

The thing is everything around us is a teaching opportunity. Yeah Eminem sometimes talks about beating women like in the song Kim 

And yes it is wrong but I was actually GLAD peoepl were bitching about the song because it meant they were talking about abuse. Knowing teen sons listened to Eminem made many parents actually TALK about the contents of the song and share their feelings with their kids.

We need to talk to our sons and have ongoing conversations about abuse. It is too late when they are men.

The language of hate

Babies are not born hating people.

Kids do not naturally discriminate

We teach them.

In some cases the teaching is obvious and overt

Let's face it no one is going to be surprised if this guys kid is a racist homophobic. Most of us however a bit more evolved than him and teach our children tolerance and acceptance.

Or do we?

Have you or people you invite into your home ever used the phrase "nigger rigged"? Described something stupid as being "gay" or "retarded"? Ever said someone "Gyped" you?

Chances are your kids have heard you, or someone you allow to be around them, use these phrases or others like them?

When I put out the call to find out what the worst thing people ever said within earshot of a child was 90% of the answers were sex based. A few were violence based and those were usually hyperbole of some sort.

So for example one guy confessed to saying as a teen ""I'd give five bucks to see the bitch die." when discussing a much hated teacher within earshot of kids.

and another confessed to saying he wanted to "high five buddy, in the face, with a bat"

The vast majority were sex related though. Being overheard talking about getting or giving oral sex, talking about who they want to have sex with, or how they like having sex.

I don't see this as a bad thing. Yeah it may be a little TMI for a 7 year old but at least they are sending the message that normal peoepl like sex.

The fact that this is what 90% of the surveyed  population had, for a go to answer, a discussion about a normal human activity. Isn't that something we want our kids to be comfortable discussing.

If THAT is the worst thing my kids ever heard adults around them say then it woudl be great but it is not.

I am lucky to raise kids in an age and area where they are not likely to hear anyone throwing around the words like nigger and spick in a department store. they will however  hear people refer to clothes as "gay" or "retarded". Every time they hear this they are being told that there is something wrong with being gay or handicap. Every time we use those words  we are telling everyone around us that those types of people are "less than"

Yeah sure that may not be what we mean but it is what we are saying. It is the message we are giving to the next generation.

I am also sick of hearing people refer to being "raped" in a video game or argument  Rape is not a synonym for loosing. Don't belittle a victims pain by comparing their trauma to getting shot in call of duty or loosing an internet argument. When we do this we are telling young girls that being raped is no big deal. Is that the message we want to send our daughters? or even worse do we want to minimalize the act of raping women for our sons?

Why are the majority of our swear words about sex or body parts. Why does saying fuck illicit a stronger reaction than belittling an entire cultural  group by saying someone Gyp'ed you?

We teach our kids to hate. We preach tolerance and speak hate. We live in a society where violence is glorified and sex is shamed.

Titanic is deemed inappropriate for kids because of the sex and nudity. Apparently the domestic violence and murder of the lower class is ok but heaven forbid a kid see a titty.

Prostitutes are villanized in our culture while drug dealers and thugs are glamorized. Somehow it is worse to sell sex than crack

We are teaching our children to hate. Never to do so overtly but to hate none the less. We are teaching them to view marginalized groups as slightly less than. Perhaps still deserving of equal rights but not as good as us none the less. Worse in many cases we are teaching them to hate themselves.

We are teaching them that being a "closet case" is a bad thing every time we use those words with disdain.

We are teaching them that to have sexual desires is to be bad every time we hastily change the channel at the sight of a nipple

We are teaching them that women are made to be victims every time we throw around words lightly that should be powerful

Hate is king and love is shameful