It ian't easy being small

Kids have it made right? No work, minimal responsibility, lots of time to play with friends, and until the age of two they can watch tv and shit their pants without anyone judging. Kinda make you wonder why they complain so damn much?

It drives me nuts when my kids complain about how hard life is. I have yet to meet a parent who it doesn't drive crazy. However before you dismiss their concerns or belittle their problems by comparing them with your own grown up and therefor much more important problems, you should take a moment and look at it from their perspective.
 

Adults get to pick their own jobs.
 Kids are stuck in school 5 days a week because they are told to. If they don't like it they can't  look for a better school with more pay and more free play time. 

Adults eat what they choose to cook.
Kids get food plunked in front of them often with little or no input as to their preferences

Adults go to bed when they are tired
Kids go when we say so

Adults always pick out their own clothes
Kids do sometimes as long as we approve

Adults don't have people in their house they don't like
Children are stuck with your friends kids 

Adults expect to be listened to when they have a problem
Kids can't always articulate their problems even when they are not being trivialized

 This list could go on for a very long time but you get the idea.


 Being a kid looks like it is all fun and games from where we stand but do we like it when other people tell us how we have to live our lives?  Obviously we have to make decisions for our kids. That is what being a parent means but that does not mean we need to act like dictators. Empowering our kids doesn't take a lot of effort on our part and it makes it easier for them to handle things they really have no choice about (like going to school).

When you are making a grocery list have your kids go through the weekly fliers with you. Not only does this allow them to have some input into the menu it also teaches them how to watch sales, budget, make a meal plan, and gives you some quality time together.

Let them leave the house dressed in weather appropriate clashing colours and prints. Who is it going to hurt? There are obvious exceptions like weddings and funerals but day care or the corner store? What is the worst that will happen? someone will judge you for letting your kid be happy.

There are lots of small decisions that kids can make for themselves. If they have slight negative consequences all the better as you get a teaching moment as well.

They only get one childhood.

The language of hate

Babies are not born hating people.

Kids do not naturally discriminate

We teach them.

In some cases the teaching is obvious and overt

Let's face it no one is going to be surprised if this guys kid is a racist homophobic. Most of us however a bit more evolved than him and teach our children tolerance and acceptance.

Or do we?

Have you or people you invite into your home ever used the phrase "nigger rigged"? Described something stupid as being "gay" or "retarded"? Ever said someone "Gyped" you?

Chances are your kids have heard you, or someone you allow to be around them, use these phrases or others like them?

When I put out the call to find out what the worst thing people ever said within earshot of a child was 90% of the answers were sex based. A few were violence based and those were usually hyperbole of some sort.

So for example one guy confessed to saying as a teen ""I'd give five bucks to see the bitch die." when discussing a much hated teacher within earshot of kids.

and another confessed to saying he wanted to "high five buddy, in the face, with a bat"

The vast majority were sex related though. Being overheard talking about getting or giving oral sex, talking about who they want to have sex with, or how they like having sex.

I don't see this as a bad thing. Yeah it may be a little TMI for a 7 year old but at least they are sending the message that normal peoepl like sex.

The fact that this is what 90% of the surveyed  population had, for a go to answer, a discussion about a normal human activity. Isn't that something we want our kids to be comfortable discussing.

If THAT is the worst thing my kids ever heard adults around them say then it woudl be great but it is not.

I am lucky to raise kids in an age and area where they are not likely to hear anyone throwing around the words like nigger and spick in a department store. they will however  hear people refer to clothes as "gay" or "retarded". Every time they hear this they are being told that there is something wrong with being gay or handicap. Every time we use those words  we are telling everyone around us that those types of people are "less than"

Yeah sure that may not be what we mean but it is what we are saying. It is the message we are giving to the next generation.

I am also sick of hearing people refer to being "raped" in a video game or argument  Rape is not a synonym for loosing. Don't belittle a victims pain by comparing their trauma to getting shot in call of duty or loosing an internet argument. When we do this we are telling young girls that being raped is no big deal. Is that the message we want to send our daughters? or even worse do we want to minimalize the act of raping women for our sons?

Why are the majority of our swear words about sex or body parts. Why does saying fuck illicit a stronger reaction than belittling an entire cultural  group by saying someone Gyp'ed you?

We teach our kids to hate. We preach tolerance and speak hate. We live in a society where violence is glorified and sex is shamed.

Titanic is deemed inappropriate for kids because of the sex and nudity. Apparently the domestic violence and murder of the lower class is ok but heaven forbid a kid see a titty.

Prostitutes are villanized in our culture while drug dealers and thugs are glamorized. Somehow it is worse to sell sex than crack

We are teaching our children to hate. Never to do so overtly but to hate none the less. We are teaching them to view marginalized groups as slightly less than. Perhaps still deserving of equal rights but not as good as us none the less. Worse in many cases we are teaching them to hate themselves.

We are teaching them that being a "closet case" is a bad thing every time we use those words with disdain.

We are teaching them that to have sexual desires is to be bad every time we hastily change the channel at the sight of a nipple

We are teaching them that women are made to be victims every time we throw around words lightly that should be powerful

Hate is king and love is shameful

Stranger Danger ... are you kidding me?

Despite knowing better the image of a strange man offering our kids candy in an effort to lure them away is still the dominant image in our minds when we think of childhood abuse and abductions.

Lets be honest here, despite what the media wants us to think random abductions are really not worth spending a significant amount of time worrying about. Strangers are not people our children need to have an inherent fear of but friends waiting to happen.

Yes our children need to be taught how to interact safely with others but many parents, in attempting to do so, actually endanger their kids.

Never go in a car with a stranger. 

Seems like sound advice to me but what does a kid hear? When coach Bob asks them to go for a ride they run through their list of memorized rules and decide it is ok since he is not a stranger.

To me a more sensible rule is Never go anywhere with anyone unless you ask me first.

Never take candy from strangers. 

Yeah we force them to break this one all the time. Halloween, Christmas, the first time they meet great aunt Bessie

Don't talk to strangers 

wait a few hours and the same parent is demanding they say hello to a long lost friend or a co worker who is a stranger to the child.

This is part of the reason why stranger danger doesn't work. The other part is that it also enforces the mindset that the people we know are good people. Reality tells us that our kids are more likely to be harmed by someone they know.

Instead we need to teach our children that it is important never to go anywhere with anyone unless they have our permission.

To never let anyone cross their personal boundaries

And to run to a stranger for help if no one else is available. Odds are they are not a pedophile. In fact odds are most people we meet in life are not pedophiles. 

When my eldest went to Universal Studios he was instructed to look for a woman with kids and ask her for help should he get separated from his Gram. Statistically that is the safest person for them to turn to.

Media fear mongering has parents imagining a shadowy boogeyman in every corner but truth is MOST people don't want to hurt your kid

Instead of constantly telling our children what they need to fear and avoid we need to teach them how to be proactive

You're reading letting them read WHAT?!

What do you mean Harry Potter will warp my child's mind? I just heard your kid talking about Jersey Shore.

It is often difficult to judge what is appropriate for your child to read,watch, and play at what age. It is always a balancing act and in the end there will ALWAYS be someone who tells you that you are too strict, too lenient., or in my case downright crazy.

My boys are coming up on 10 and 2. My ten year old loves  zombie movies, games and books. Now there are a lot of parents who feel that zombies are inappropriate for their 10 year old, that's fine their kid their choice.

Until my kid could grasp the basic concept of real vs make believe (about 4) he was limited to blues clues and elmo. He only watched shows that his reenacting wouldn't cause issues. I was often called crazy and over protective but I felt at 2 and 3 he couldn't yet differentiate between spider man beating up the green goblin and him beating up his best friend. That part of his brain that housed common sense hadn't developed yet.

Over the intervening years what he is allowed to watch has expanded greatly but my basic rules for censoring his screen time varied greatly from that of other parents.

I could care less if he watches a movie with nudity or even consensual sex (not porn mind you I am thinking more like Titanic) my reasoning being that I assume and even hope that one day he will have consensual sexual relationships, but the Simpsons are off limits. This has a lot of people shaking their heads at me but I don't allow TV that glamorizes sexism, racism, and stereotypes. 

Killing zombies is ok, that is self defense, killing people for fun is not cool. That is why my kid owns land of the dead but we had a big fight when I told him he couldn't watch Saw even if all his friends had, I don't approve of torture porn.

My kid plays Call of Duty, Gears of War, and Left 4 Dead, I get a lot of shit for that but it doesn't really bother me since I am comfortable with my decisions. there is a legit reason for the killing in those games so I let him play and use them as a teaching opportunity to discuss why it is ok to shoot an invader but not the bully down the road, what makes it different and where our personal line in the sand is drawn. I am still the meanest mother in "all of everywhere" though because I refuse to let him play Grand Theft Auto because it glamorizes a lifestyle I disagree with.

It is a balancing act for every parent trying to find the line between over protective and exposing your child to potentially harmful material