The language of hate

Babies are not born hating people.

Kids do not naturally discriminate

We teach them.

In some cases the teaching is obvious and overt

Let's face it no one is going to be surprised if this guys kid is a racist homophobic. Most of us however a bit more evolved than him and teach our children tolerance and acceptance.

Or do we?

Have you or people you invite into your home ever used the phrase "nigger rigged"? Described something stupid as being "gay" or "retarded"? Ever said someone "Gyped" you?

Chances are your kids have heard you, or someone you allow to be around them, use these phrases or others like them?

When I put out the call to find out what the worst thing people ever said within earshot of a child was 90% of the answers were sex based. A few were violence based and those were usually hyperbole of some sort.

So for example one guy confessed to saying as a teen ""I'd give five bucks to see the bitch die." when discussing a much hated teacher within earshot of kids.

and another confessed to saying he wanted to "high five buddy, in the face, with a bat"

The vast majority were sex related though. Being overheard talking about getting or giving oral sex, talking about who they want to have sex with, or how they like having sex.

I don't see this as a bad thing. Yeah it may be a little TMI for a 7 year old but at least they are sending the message that normal peoepl like sex.

The fact that this is what 90% of the surveyed  population had, for a go to answer, a discussion about a normal human activity. Isn't that something we want our kids to be comfortable discussing.

If THAT is the worst thing my kids ever heard adults around them say then it woudl be great but it is not.

I am lucky to raise kids in an age and area where they are not likely to hear anyone throwing around the words like nigger and spick in a department store. they will however  hear people refer to clothes as "gay" or "retarded". Every time they hear this they are being told that there is something wrong with being gay or handicap. Every time we use those words  we are telling everyone around us that those types of people are "less than"

Yeah sure that may not be what we mean but it is what we are saying. It is the message we are giving to the next generation.

I am also sick of hearing people refer to being "raped" in a video game or argument  Rape is not a synonym for loosing. Don't belittle a victims pain by comparing their trauma to getting shot in call of duty or loosing an internet argument. When we do this we are telling young girls that being raped is no big deal. Is that the message we want to send our daughters? or even worse do we want to minimalize the act of raping women for our sons?

Why are the majority of our swear words about sex or body parts. Why does saying fuck illicit a stronger reaction than belittling an entire cultural  group by saying someone Gyp'ed you?

We teach our kids to hate. We preach tolerance and speak hate. We live in a society where violence is glorified and sex is shamed.

Titanic is deemed inappropriate for kids because of the sex and nudity. Apparently the domestic violence and murder of the lower class is ok but heaven forbid a kid see a titty.

Prostitutes are villanized in our culture while drug dealers and thugs are glamorized. Somehow it is worse to sell sex than crack

We are teaching our children to hate. Never to do so overtly but to hate none the less. We are teaching them to view marginalized groups as slightly less than. Perhaps still deserving of equal rights but not as good as us none the less. Worse in many cases we are teaching them to hate themselves.

We are teaching them that being a "closet case" is a bad thing every time we use those words with disdain.

We are teaching them that to have sexual desires is to be bad every time we hastily change the channel at the sight of a nipple

We are teaching them that women are made to be victims every time we throw around words lightly that should be powerful

Hate is king and love is shameful

Forget the Klondike bar

What would I do for a Klondike bar? Well if I was really desperate I would WALK to the store. In an extreme circumstance I would do so AFTER borrowing money from my kid because I was broke and dying for a Klondike Bar.

More than likely though I would just grab a can of Coke and get over it. I mean really it is a KLONDIKE bar. You wanna hear some really extreme (honest) answers? ask a few mothers of  babies and toddlers what they would do for a nap and the guarantee of waking up to a clean house.

Would you 
* Eat your husbands cooking
* Let the crazy ladies from 'How Clean is your House' into you bathroom
*wrestle an alligator
*Yell "Guns kill people" at a NRA rally
*wear fur to a PETA meeting
*Wear underwear made of duct tape
*let your preschooler pick out clothes and do your makeup for a high school reunion


The answer is a resounding HELL YES! 

Whatever a supposedly sane person would do for a Klondike Bar I'll double it for a nap!, and triple it for a nap coupled with a clean house!

We don't even discuss what I would do for self washing laundry .....

If breast is best what does that make formula?

Well I am no math whiz but I would assume it made formula second best.

*Actually formula is fourth best. Second best is the mothers expressed breast milk and third best is donated breast milk. 

Now I know that was not the PC thing to say but you will quickly learn that this blog is not intended to be PC. It is intended to give honest information and advice about parenting without worrying about hurting a parents precious feelings.

Honestly there are some areas of parenting that are gray zones of what is best but infant feeding isn't one of them. Science has proven time and again that breast milk is superior to formula in every way, hell even formula companies put it on their product. The problem is with the current mode of presenting that information under the "breast is best" format.

Actually breast is not BEST it is the biological standard against which everything else is measured. Formula is inferior to breast milk in every way but we aren't allowed to say that because some new mom may feel guilty about the choice she made. Well you know what if we told people the truth from the get go and stopped the deceitful advertising there would be nothing to feel guilty about because they would have had all the information needed to make an informed decision going in.

So now I am going to go on to talk about some of the risks associated with formula.

*Obesity. Milk comes out faster from a bottle than the breast and formula also has a higher calorie count per ounce. This means that by the time a baby realizes they are full they have allready over eaten and gotten too many calories. This is compounded by parents urging them to finish the last half an ounce is the bottle causing their 'full reflex' to be overrode at a young are and setting them up for a lifetime of not boing able to recognize fullness opposed to stuffed.

*allergies.Formula fed kids are more likely to have allergies. That means compared to their breast fed counterparts on average they will have more allergies, have more severe reactions, and be less likely to outgrow them.

*immunities - Formula fed children get more colds and infections. Breast fed babies get some as well but tend to be less overall and the severity and length are lessened.

 *gastrointestinal health - Much of formula is not digestible. this makes it very hard on the stomach, intestines, and kidneys (this is also why formula fed babies sleep longer the undigestible parts sit in their stomachs for hours). Breast milk is made for a baby's delicate gut and even has some properties that heal small tears. 



Now before you start telling me about the breast fed kid you know who is allergic to everything or all the formula fed kids who are fine let me explain a bit of how statistics work.

 Not every kid who is given formula will develop every thing they are at risk for. Nor does breastmilk guarantee perfect health.

Like other risky behavior sometimes you beat the odds and someties it doesn't matter how careful you are. Take drunk driving for instance many people do it hundreds of times before causing harm to themselves or another, while some very careful and sober drivers are in freak accidents. Risk simply refers to the likely-hood of something happening. there are no guarantees in life but much like putting an infant on their back to sleep breastfeeding will reduce the RISK of SIDS and many other things.