Because I said so.

     Is there anything more annoying than hearing "WHY?" after you tell your child no? ... Well there is Richard Simmons but other than that I highly doubt it.

     Most of us remember conversations like this from our childhood.

Kid: Dad can I go to Sarah's for a sleepover?
Dad: no.
Kid: Why?
Dad: Because I said so!
 
     Had I known the phrase tyrannical fascist at 9 years old that probably would have been the next line in the script. I didn't though so this conversation, and all others like it, was followed by a pestering child and an increasingly angry parental figure.Usually culminating in my being sent to my room.

     Fast forward to my teen years and the same answer would send me into a rage. At least by this point I was able to articulate why it made me so angry. "why are you saying no? Surely you have a reason? should I assume it is just because you want me to be a social outcast"

     The thing was when my parents did tell me why they were saying no I usually took it better. Or tried to find a way around their objections. That was probably the most annoying part for them.

     Fast forward to the day when my own kids discovered the word why. Was there ever a word more irritating to parents? I was a young mother who still clearly remembered the 'because I said so's of my youth. It had been less than 5 years since I had come up against that brick wall of authority so I still had fresh bruises from beating my head against it.

   I decided that that answer wasn't good enough for my children. As I have said before everything is a teaching opportunity so I decided NO should be one as well. Now when my children ask why I always tell them.

My husband on the other hand I have caught in a lot of because I said so moments. Turns out when pressed though he always has a reason.

There is some great things about taking the minute to explain the why's to your children.

* If it is a safety reason they can understand what is dangerous about it and then apply what they have learned in situations where you are not available to guide them.

* If it is a convenice thing (I don't want to go get your friend) they learn to compromise. eg. Well what if his mom walks him up here?

* If it is a lazy thing such as you just don't want to go to the park they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.

* If it is a money thing 'we don't have money for that truck' they learn savings and delayed gratification

* If it is an illness thing "I have a headache and can't go for a walk" it teaches patience and sympathy

* If it was just a knee jerk reaction and you have no real reason it teaches children how to admit an error with grace.

Now this doesn't mean I let my kids pester me for hours on end.

they make a request
I say no
They ask why
I explain
they come up with a counter solution
A) their idea works and they get what they want
B) their idea doesn't work, I tell them why and we move on with our day.

While I hate Because I said so I have no issue at all with I have already explained this to you a few times and now I need to move on with my day

So many parents seem to think changing your mind means they are not being strict. that is completely untrue. It is important to teach our children that everyone is wrong sometimes, how to politely question authority, and how to admit an error with grace. The big thing is to only change your mind when the child has a valid point that was made in a respectful manner.

If a child knows their voice will be heard they are more likely to listen to yours.