Today I saw a PSA about domestic violence. I didn't need it, I lived the reality as a child. I know the fear and helplessness that comes with it. That is something my kids will never experience. My boys are very unlikely to be the victims of domestic violence. But they need to know about it. They need to see. They need to understand. Because if they don't, and I turn them loose on the female population, I am part of the problem.
Here is the video that sparked this post. This is the reality that many women live with. I have watched women cover the busies and stop smiling so no one would see their broken teeth. Sometimes the men who did this to them come from violent homes. Others have mothers who would be shocked.
As parents we want to assume the best of our kids. We want to believe there is no need to tell them not to do things that are obviously bad. after all we have taught them through example right?
Many of us have. Many of us also skip past what could be a great learning experience and teaching moment. When our kids read or watch Twilight do we take the time to explain why Edwards behaviors should have sent up red flags for Bella.
When Chris Brown and Rhianna make headlines do we stop and use that opportunity to discuss with our daughters why they should NEVER accept being treated that way. To explain to our sons exactly what is wrong with Chris Brown and how she didn't deserve what happened.
The thing is everything around us is a teaching opportunity. Yeah Eminem sometimes talks about beating women like in the song Kim
And yes it is wrong but I was actually GLAD peoepl were bitching about the song because it meant they were talking about abuse. Knowing teen sons listened to Eminem made many parents actually TALK about the contents of the song and share their feelings with their kids.
We need to talk to our sons and have ongoing conversations about abuse. It is too late when they are men.
I don't talk to my kids about domestic violence at all, nor would i ever feel I need to. I do understand your point but in my opinion if one is raising their children properly such talks are never needed.
ReplyDeleteI don't talk to my kids about domestic violence because I teach my kids there is never a time to hit another person unless its in true self defense.
When I say "true" self defense what I mean is I tell them just because someone shoves you, doesn't mean you start swinging, you walk away. Its not unless you are trapped with no route of escape that you fight back or if someone is causing you true bodily harm (meaning they are punching you in the face or some such thing).
My children are young still but any time one of my sons throws a temper tantrum, gets violent, or yells - after I punish them for what they have done, I go back and I sit down with them and I talk to them about proper reaction vs what they did. I make them explain to me what they should have done and discuss why what they did was inappropriate.
I don't need to get into the difference of domestic violence vs any other type of violence because all violence is wrong and by teaching them proper reactions, I know what they will do as they grow up.
As for music like eminem (lets say a song like smack that) I explain to them different people have different lifestyle choices and he isn't referring to beating anyone up. When it comes to songs like kim, I explain to them that eminem is doing what I teach them to do - find a valid release using words rather than actions. I have explained that obviously kim is still alive and this is just a song to let him express his anger without actually being violent.
Granted my kids are only 9 and 11 but I truly believe if they are taught proper action/reaction to situations things like domestic violence will never come into question.
I talk about acceptable behavior in general but also relationships because the hormones that come into play in relationships can make people stupid.
ReplyDeleteI also talk to my sons about the other side of domestic abuse. While they are not likely to have a physically abusive GF it is important to know they don't have to stand for anyone treating them badly.
My boys are BIG. If my eldest is less than 6 ft 3 as a grown man I woudl be shocked. It is easy for them to fall in to the trap of using their size to intimidate if it isn't an ongoing conversation
I agree with you 100%, Melissa. I have boys and a girl and this is a frequent topic of conversation.
ReplyDeleteGreat article! You're good at this! ;)
ReplyDelete