When I was in high school my parents didn't talk much about the dangers of the internet. Once I think they saw something on the news and said "don't meet boys from the internet" and them promptly forgot the internet existed. We didn't have a computer in our home, only one (yes 1) of my friends did, kids never had cell phones and the few adults who did definitely never had a web browser on them. the need to teach internet and technology safety didn't exist for my parents. Lucky damn bastards
The technology that did exist I used against my parents every chance I got. My parents saw caller ID was a way to verify that I really was calling from my best friends house, it took my friends and I 5 minutes to figure out how to defeat caller ID with the aid of three way calling.
So now I have kids and the technology my parents had no need to fear is everywhere. Heck we have a computer in our dining room! In two years when my eldest hits grade 6 he will be given a laptop by the school. How the hell do I control his internet presence when the damn school gives him a computer? OK sure they can't access facebook on the school computers but you can get in plenty of trouble without facebook. Heck I remember going to my friends house (you remember me talking about that one girl that had a home computer) and playing on ICQ. In hindsight it was just sheer luck that we were not raped and murdered. Oh my god, we would be sitting there at 3 am talking to random internet guys while her parents snored away in the next room. Internet safety was something we taught each other.
How do I keep my kids from endangering themselves? Yes we have talked about not disclosing personal information with strangers, but how do I know he is listening? Right now he is ten and I have manged to convince him I am more computer savvy than I actually am. For example we have a rule. If you delete the computer history you loose all electronic privileges for month. That,s a great rule ... if I knew how to access my computer history. My husband does but I don't.
I am a technotard. I know just enough to grasp all the dangers and pitfalls but not enough to ensure my kid stays away from them. So with that said does anyone have any suggestions?
All suggestions are to be made in plain English. Any and all suggestions made in tech talk will result in the commenter being called extremely unflattering names.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
You're reading letting them read WHAT?!
What do you mean Harry Potter will warp my child's mind? I just heard your kid talking about Jersey Shore.
It is often difficult to judge what is appropriate for your child to read,watch, and play at what age. It is always a balancing act and in the end there will ALWAYS be someone who tells you that you are too strict, too lenient., or in my case downright crazy.
My boys are coming up on 10 and 2. My ten year old loves zombie movies, games and books. Now there are a lot of parents who feel that zombies are inappropriate for their 10 year old, that's fine their kid their choice.
Until my kid could grasp the basic concept of real vs make believe (about 4) he was limited to blues clues and elmo. He only watched shows that his reenacting wouldn't cause issues. I was often called crazy and over protective but I felt at 2 and 3 he couldn't yet differentiate between spider man beating up the green goblin and him beating up his best friend. That part of his brain that housed common sense hadn't developed yet.
Over the intervening years what he is allowed to watch has expanded greatly but my basic rules for censoring his screen time varied greatly from that of other parents.
I could care less if he watches a movie with nudity or even consensual sex (not porn mind you I am thinking more like Titanic) my reasoning being that I assume and even hope that one day he will have consensual sexual relationships, but the Simpsons are off limits. This has a lot of people shaking their heads at me but I don't allow TV that glamorizes sexism, racism, and stereotypes.
Killing zombies is ok, that is self defense, killing people for fun is not cool. That is why my kid owns land of the dead but we had a big fight when I told him he couldn't watch Saw even if all his friends had, I don't approve of torture porn.
My kid plays Call of Duty, Gears of War, and Left 4 Dead, I get a lot of shit for that but it doesn't really bother me since I am comfortable with my decisions. there is a legit reason for the killing in those games so I let him play and use them as a teaching opportunity to discuss why it is ok to shoot an invader but not the bully down the road, what makes it different and where our personal line in the sand is drawn. I am still the meanest mother in "all of everywhere" though because I refuse to let him play Grand Theft Auto because it glamorizes a lifestyle I disagree with.
It is a balancing act for every parent trying to find the line between over protective and exposing your child to potentially harmful material
It is often difficult to judge what is appropriate for your child to read,watch, and play at what age. It is always a balancing act and in the end there will ALWAYS be someone who tells you that you are too strict, too lenient., or in my case downright crazy.
My boys are coming up on 10 and 2. My ten year old loves zombie movies, games and books. Now there are a lot of parents who feel that zombies are inappropriate for their 10 year old, that's fine their kid their choice.
Until my kid could grasp the basic concept of real vs make believe (about 4) he was limited to blues clues and elmo. He only watched shows that his reenacting wouldn't cause issues. I was often called crazy and over protective but I felt at 2 and 3 he couldn't yet differentiate between spider man beating up the green goblin and him beating up his best friend. That part of his brain that housed common sense hadn't developed yet.
Over the intervening years what he is allowed to watch has expanded greatly but my basic rules for censoring his screen time varied greatly from that of other parents.
I could care less if he watches a movie with nudity or even consensual sex (not porn mind you I am thinking more like Titanic) my reasoning being that I assume and even hope that one day he will have consensual sexual relationships, but the Simpsons are off limits. This has a lot of people shaking their heads at me but I don't allow TV that glamorizes sexism, racism, and stereotypes.
Killing zombies is ok, that is self defense, killing people for fun is not cool. That is why my kid owns land of the dead but we had a big fight when I told him he couldn't watch Saw even if all his friends had, I don't approve of torture porn.
My kid plays Call of Duty, Gears of War, and Left 4 Dead, I get a lot of shit for that but it doesn't really bother me since I am comfortable with my decisions. there is a legit reason for the killing in those games so I let him play and use them as a teaching opportunity to discuss why it is ok to shoot an invader but not the bully down the road, what makes it different and where our personal line in the sand is drawn. I am still the meanest mother in "all of everywhere" though because I refuse to let him play Grand Theft Auto because it glamorizes a lifestyle I disagree with.
It is a balancing act for every parent trying to find the line between over protective and exposing your child to potentially harmful material
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Does your family have a zombie plan?
Talking zombies with your kids in important. Unfortunately in mass media there are rarely kids to drag behind you in a zombie apocalypse so many people don't think to have that talk. However as your kids get older and spend more time away from you and you may not always know their exact location as "at the mall" is somewhat vague, it is important to have a plan.
Now I know what you are thinking "Hold up, I have real problems to discuss with my kids, sex, drugs, and drinking for example. Why should I waste my time on pretend ones?" and you would have an excellent point. However have you noticed how your teen or preteens eyes glaze over when you talk to them about serious issues? Since zombies are pure foolishness it is easier to engage them.
So talk with your kids and make a zombie plan. What would you do if it happened and you were spread all over the place? If your route home was blocked off by packs of ravenous undead?
See while zombies will never happen we cant say the same about war, civil unrest, natural disasters, or other craziness. It is important your kids know how you will react, where they should meet you, in what situations they should stay put and wait for you. How to survive for a few days on their own if it happened while you were out of town shopping.
Do your kids know that the water in the back of the flush is clean and drinkable? Do they know to eat the perishables first and save the canned goods?
Zombies are fun to talk about precisely because it will never happen. Kids can make suggestions with no repercussions. Hopefully your kids will never have to actually fortify the house against a treat but it would still be good if they had some basic ideas for how to go about it. Knowing where to find supplies to board up windows and keep out zombies could be equally as useful in the event of a severe hurricane.
My family has a zombie survival plan, does yours?
Now I know what you are thinking "Hold up, I have real problems to discuss with my kids, sex, drugs, and drinking for example. Why should I waste my time on pretend ones?" and you would have an excellent point. However have you noticed how your teen or preteens eyes glaze over when you talk to them about serious issues? Since zombies are pure foolishness it is easier to engage them.
So talk with your kids and make a zombie plan. What would you do if it happened and you were spread all over the place? If your route home was blocked off by packs of ravenous undead?
See while zombies will never happen we cant say the same about war, civil unrest, natural disasters, or other craziness. It is important your kids know how you will react, where they should meet you, in what situations they should stay put and wait for you. How to survive for a few days on their own if it happened while you were out of town shopping.
Do your kids know that the water in the back of the flush is clean and drinkable? Do they know to eat the perishables first and save the canned goods?
Zombies are fun to talk about precisely because it will never happen. Kids can make suggestions with no repercussions. Hopefully your kids will never have to actually fortify the house against a treat but it would still be good if they had some basic ideas for how to go about it. Knowing where to find supplies to board up windows and keep out zombies could be equally as useful in the event of a severe hurricane.
My family has a zombie survival plan, does yours?
Saturday, February 18, 2012
eewee
It happened again. I made a supper that my kids have always loved and demanded seconds of only to be greeted with "I don't like this"
Really? REALLY? Seriously are you for real kid? Last time I made chicken soup you went back for thirds but suddenly, before your scrawny nine year old but even lands in the chair for supper, you don't like it!
Somehow I managed not to reach across the table and strangle him but I think it took all the will power I possessed.
I don't believe in forcing kids to eat food they don't like. When I make a meal I know my kids dislike I will always prepare an alternative for them even if it means grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for supper. I know my 9 year old hates green peppers for example, that is why I cook with red pepper. He doesn't like rice either so I never put more than a small spoonful on his plate for him to try if he wants to. Lately though he has even been turning up his nose at what was previously his favorites.
My first thought was to tell him to eat or go hungry but if I do that I know in four hours I will be dealing with his migraine. Instead we sat and bickered at the table for almost an hour until he ate his damn soup.
Maybe tonight I will just buy pizza, if he claims not to like that I will probably never blog again because I will be locked in a mental institution.
Really? REALLY? Seriously are you for real kid? Last time I made chicken soup you went back for thirds but suddenly, before your scrawny nine year old but even lands in the chair for supper, you don't like it!
Somehow I managed not to reach across the table and strangle him but I think it took all the will power I possessed.
I don't believe in forcing kids to eat food they don't like. When I make a meal I know my kids dislike I will always prepare an alternative for them even if it means grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for supper. I know my 9 year old hates green peppers for example, that is why I cook with red pepper. He doesn't like rice either so I never put more than a small spoonful on his plate for him to try if he wants to. Lately though he has even been turning up his nose at what was previously his favorites.
My first thought was to tell him to eat or go hungry but if I do that I know in four hours I will be dealing with his migraine. Instead we sat and bickered at the table for almost an hour until he ate his damn soup.
Maybe tonight I will just buy pizza, if he claims not to like that I will probably never blog again because I will be locked in a mental institution.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Guns never solve parenting problems
So your daughter pissed you off and you want to teach her a lesson, good for you. You just taught her to shoot and that "might makes right"
How on earth did shooting a laptop and publicly humiliating her teach her that it is wrong to talk shit about you online? How does your behavior model what you want from her?
OK so lets for a moment ignore the fact that this dad is a self riotous idiot ( I will come back to him later) and focus on what the girl did. Her behavior was hurtful, it broke house rules, and it needs to be addressed. Since she seems unable to keep her online conduct within the parameters her parents set taking away her laptop and thus limiting her online access is reasonable. And this is where Gun happy dad and I part ways.
The goal of parenting should always be to teach. In this case I would assume you want to teach them to be grateful for how good they actually have it and to be considerate of how their words and actions can hurt others.
Talking to her about WHY what she did was hurtful is important. She is old enough that there is no reason not to put the onus for mending fences on her. If she is unable to see why what she did was wrong and think of a way to fix it then perhaps it is time to get rid of the computer all together. If it comes to that though
GUNS ARE STILL NOT THE ANSWER
In fact unless someone is about to kill you ar there is a deer in front of you that will feed your family for the winter guns are never the answer. Why not have some good come out of her punishment. Have her choose a kid that she knows will never be able to afford their own computer and give it to them as they will appreciate it more. Or if you can't trust her not to mock that child at school for receiving her castoffs then donate it to an underfunded school.
Back to Dad. In this situation I blame the dad completely. It is unreasonable to assume a man so juvenile as to shoot an inanimate object that becomes the focus of his rage is also incapable of cleaning up after himself? He acts like an adolescent and can hardly be a role model for proper behavior. Heck if I lived with an asshole like that I would probably get pregnant in high school just to escape. I hope his daughter doesn't become a statistic and marry someone like him.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Why is there no valium in my bag?
Halloween is over ... thank you lord.
Now don't get me wrong I LOVE Halloween. I decorate for it every year and always dress up. Where we go trick or treating candy is given to anyone who wears a costume so I come home with lots of sugar.
Unfortunately my kids also come home with a few billion empty calories. If they could eat all the candy that night and have it over with them maybe it wouldn't be so bad but after the torture of parading from house to house for 2 hours and dragging my one year old in and out of the car (houses are too far apart to walk) I then have to get 2 sugar high kids to bed scrub off my makeup and go there myself.
That is not the end of it though .... The next day I start the fight about how much candy can be consumed for breakfast, what can be taken to school, supervise trades, and eventually tell them no more for the day, and the next day we do the same thing.
\
Now a few days later all the peanut better cups have been eaten and the whining is starting because "there is nothing good left"
Yeah I love Halloween but I think it would be better if we left the kids out of it and handed out booze, Valium, pot and maybe porn.
Now don't get me wrong I LOVE Halloween. I decorate for it every year and always dress up. Where we go trick or treating candy is given to anyone who wears a costume so I come home with lots of sugar.
Unfortunately my kids also come home with a few billion empty calories. If they could eat all the candy that night and have it over with them maybe it wouldn't be so bad but after the torture of parading from house to house for 2 hours and dragging my one year old in and out of the car (houses are too far apart to walk) I then have to get 2 sugar high kids to bed scrub off my makeup and go there myself.
That is not the end of it though .... The next day I start the fight about how much candy can be consumed for breakfast, what can be taken to school, supervise trades, and eventually tell them no more for the day, and the next day we do the same thing.
\
Now a few days later all the peanut better cups have been eaten and the whining is starting because "there is nothing good left"
Yeah I love Halloween but I think it would be better if we left the kids out of it and handed out booze, Valium, pot and maybe porn.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Because I said so.
Is there anything more annoying than hearing "WHY?" after you tell your child no? ... Well there is Richard Simmons but other than that I highly doubt it.
Most of us remember conversations like this from our childhood.
Kid: Dad can I go to Sarah's for a sleepover?
Dad: no.
Kid: Why?
Dad: Because I said so!
Had I known the phrase tyrannical fascist at 9 years old that probably would have been the next line in the script. I didn't though so this conversation, and all others like it, was followed by a pestering child and an increasingly angry parental figure.Usually culminating in my being sent to my room.
Fast forward to my teen years and the same answer would send me into a rage. At least by this point I was able to articulate why it made me so angry. "why are you saying no? Surely you have a reason? should I assume it is just because you want me to be a social outcast"
The thing was when my parents did tell me why they were saying no I usually took it better. Or tried to find a way around their objections. That was probably the most annoying part for them.
Fast forward to the day when my own kids discovered the word why. Was there ever a word more irritating to parents? I was a young mother who still clearly remembered the 'because I said so's of my youth. It had been less than 5 years since I had come up against that brick wall of authority so I still had fresh bruises from beating my head against it.
I decided that that answer wasn't good enough for my children. As I have said before everything is a teaching opportunity so I decided NO should be one as well. Now when my children ask why I always tell them.
My husband on the other hand I have caught in a lot of because I said so moments. Turns out when pressed though he always has a reason.
There is some great things about taking the minute to explain the why's to your children.
* If it is a safety reason they can understand what is dangerous about it and then apply what they have learned in situations where you are not available to guide them.
* If it is a convenice thing (I don't want to go get your friend) they learn to compromise. eg. Well what if his mom walks him up here?
* If it is a lazy thing such as you just don't want to go to the park they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.
* If it is a money thing 'we don't have money for that truck' they learn savings and delayed gratification
* If it is an illness thing "I have a headache and can't go for a walk" it teaches patience and sympathy
* If it was just a knee jerk reaction and you have no real reason it teaches children how to admit an error with grace.
Now this doesn't mean I let my kids pester me for hours on end.
they make a request
I say no
They ask why
I explain
they come up with a counter solution
A) their idea works and they get what they want
B) their idea doesn't work, I tell them why and we move on with our day.
While I hate Because I said so I have no issue at all with I have already explained this to you a few times and now I need to move on with my day
So many parents seem to think changing your mind means they are not being strict. that is completely untrue. It is important to teach our children that everyone is wrong sometimes, how to politely question authority, and how to admit an error with grace. The big thing is to only change your mind when the child has a valid point that was made in a respectful manner.
If a child knows their voice will be heard they are more likely to listen to yours.
Most of us remember conversations like this from our childhood.
Kid: Dad can I go to Sarah's for a sleepover?
Dad: no.
Kid: Why?
Dad: Because I said so!
Had I known the phrase tyrannical fascist at 9 years old that probably would have been the next line in the script. I didn't though so this conversation, and all others like it, was followed by a pestering child and an increasingly angry parental figure.Usually culminating in my being sent to my room.
Fast forward to my teen years and the same answer would send me into a rage. At least by this point I was able to articulate why it made me so angry. "why are you saying no? Surely you have a reason? should I assume it is just because you want me to be a social outcast"
The thing was when my parents did tell me why they were saying no I usually took it better. Or tried to find a way around their objections. That was probably the most annoying part for them.
Fast forward to the day when my own kids discovered the word why. Was there ever a word more irritating to parents? I was a young mother who still clearly remembered the 'because I said so's of my youth. It had been less than 5 years since I had come up against that brick wall of authority so I still had fresh bruises from beating my head against it.
I decided that that answer wasn't good enough for my children. As I have said before everything is a teaching opportunity so I decided NO should be one as well. Now when my children ask why I always tell them.
My husband on the other hand I have caught in a lot of because I said so moments. Turns out when pressed though he always has a reason.
There is some great things about taking the minute to explain the why's to your children.
* If it is a safety reason they can understand what is dangerous about it and then apply what they have learned in situations where you are not available to guide them.
* If it is a convenice thing (I don't want to go get your friend) they learn to compromise. eg. Well what if his mom walks him up here?
* If it is a lazy thing such as you just don't want to go to the park they learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.
* If it is a money thing 'we don't have money for that truck' they learn savings and delayed gratification
* If it is an illness thing "I have a headache and can't go for a walk" it teaches patience and sympathy
* If it was just a knee jerk reaction and you have no real reason it teaches children how to admit an error with grace.
Now this doesn't mean I let my kids pester me for hours on end.
they make a request
I say no
They ask why
I explain
they come up with a counter solution
A) their idea works and they get what they want
B) their idea doesn't work, I tell them why and we move on with our day.
While I hate Because I said so I have no issue at all with I have already explained this to you a few times and now I need to move on with my day
So many parents seem to think changing your mind means they are not being strict. that is completely untrue. It is important to teach our children that everyone is wrong sometimes, how to politely question authority, and how to admit an error with grace. The big thing is to only change your mind when the child has a valid point that was made in a respectful manner.
If a child knows their voice will be heard they are more likely to listen to yours.
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