Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Letter to Santa 2012

Dear Santa;

I have been a pretty good girl this year. I only drank till I puked once. That is one day out of 365 or 0.0027% of the time. That is pretty impressive considering 100% of the time I am have a hankering to get puke your guts up and black out drunk.

Ok that last bit was a bit of an exaggeration. That urge goes away when all the kids and sleeping and I am watching Big Bang Theory.

I also have not laid the smack down on anyone all year long. Not my dogs when they ate my couch. Not my toddler when he made soup in a pillow case. BTW did you know soup required eggs? Not my husband when he taught the kids a colorful new word when they team wiped on WOW. See Santa I AM good.

I would like some new K-cups for my Keurieg machine. Specifically I would like for it to make vodka valium mocha lattes in which I don't have to add my own vodka or Valium. That Santa is a gift that would keep on giving. I guarantee my family would like it as I would not get as worked up over dog poop on the floor, crayons on the wall or dirty socks in the couch.

The second thing on my list is a soundproof bedroom. Now don't get all perverted an think I am worried about waking my kids having wild monkey sex, those boys sleep like rocks, I just want to sleep without ANYONE waking me up. Oh the pure bliss that would be 8 hours of sleep where I don't wake because the dog is chewing something upstairs, or because something fell off a shelf in my 10 year olds room, or because the baby is making whimpering noises in his sleep.  Imagine how much longer my K cups will last if I don't wake up exhausted every day.

Thanks for what I know is going to be the best Christmas ever

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